If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
