I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
