I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
