i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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