Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
