My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
