Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
