You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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