How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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