just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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