I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
