What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
i think my cat just said my name.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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