What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
