I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Randomize
