Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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