There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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