I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Small penises have feelings too.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
