i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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