I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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