i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
