Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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