So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Houston, we have a squirter
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
