if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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