Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
