chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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