dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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