why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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