period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
