if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
