She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
