and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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