Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
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