yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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