Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
