That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
