Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
