I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
