I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
