My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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