loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
