my mouth tastes like poor choices
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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