hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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