it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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