you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
