Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Michael Bay diarrhea
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
