I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
