Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
