Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
why do cheetos always look like penises
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
