billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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