I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
