new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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