what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
