Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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