Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
