Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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